Putting my faith back in God

2016 was one of the worst years I’ve ever had.

Between moving 5 times, having countless dollars stolen from me, going through job after job, working 3 jobs at one time, and having 2 shady roommates; I spent this year depressed and angry,  I started breaking down my most cherished relationship, and forgetting my faith.

I spent almost the entire year fighting with God and questioning my relationship with him. Asking him “why me?” and to take me home because the weight of my world was becoming too much. I really lost myself this year and I lost sight of what is truly important.

I’ve lived my whole life believing that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. This year as one negative thing piled on top of the last I broke and I stopped trusting God.

That is where things really started to get worse. Instead of trusting God and talking to him about what I was thinking and dealing with, I ignored him and all the signs he was giving me that things would be alright.

I hate admitting that I gave up on God. It’s sad and embarrassing but it’s the truth.

One night after hours of crying over the last 14 months of my life and the things that were in it that were going wrong and begging God to end my life, I picked up my bible. I don’t even know why I did it. I was crying intensely and just reached for it. I opened it and turned to a contents page which directed you to readings about whatever you were going through. I looked through the page until I came across list about contemplating suicide and it lead me to this:

1 Corinthians 6:19,20

19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.

I stopped crying. I started to breathe slower and I calmed myself down. That was the moment I let God back into my life. I trusted him again and I believed his word.

Now I have to say that I would never take my own life. But having the thought of doing it and even contemplating it is TERRIFYING!  I never want to feel that way again.

God works in great ways. Ways we couldn’t ever imagine. His timing is always perfect even if we don’t think so. With accepting this I was taught that patience and trust are key to building a relationship with God.

In addition to patience and trust, communicating rather than complaining to him has opened my eyes. In just a few weeks of accepting him back into my life, I have seen changes in my world and my life.

I now see the last 14 months of my life in a whole new light. I’m not angry or feeling sorry for myself anymore. I’ve forgiven the past and any wrong I’ve done or has been done to me and I’m moving on.

God knew this whole time that I would be okay and he knew I would make my way back to him.

I gave up on God but he did not give up on me and I can promise you he hasn’t given up on your either. I’m telling you, you have to trust him. His word and his love will bring you places you never thought you deserved to be. Trust him and you’ll see for yourself.

That bible changed my life and God saved my life. He will save yours too.

Xxoo - Katie