Life.

You waited your whole life to grow up.
Always wanted to be old enough for this or that.
Wished you were just one year older.
Always.

Now I'm grown.
Is this what I wanted?
for the future, for myrself?
Am I even happy?

I have dreams. I always did.
Where did they go?
I don't even see them when I sleep anymore.
What have you done to yourself?

Is this really my life?
Will I always be crying
so many things I can't change.
So many things I hate.

Joy and laughter.
Distant cousins of mine.
I see them sometimes
But were not that close.

I'm dust on the wall.
Dirt on the rug.
Only an inconvenience
it seems.

They say they love me.
Most days Ibelieve it.
But I'm always alone.
Why am I so alone?

Where did everyone go?
They gave up.
I'm difficult.
No one understands me.

I'm worth nothing.
Work my shit job
and shut up.
No one wants to hear it.

I want more.
How do I get it?
I don't deserve it.
Dreams are for children.

I wanted this.
I wished this.
I asked for this.

Me.

I am responsible for the mess my life has become.

Putting my faith back in God

2016 was one of the worst years I’ve ever had.

Between moving 5 times, having countless dollars stolen from me, going through job after job, working 3 jobs at one time, and having 2 shady roommates; I spent this year depressed and angry,  I started breaking down my most cherished relationship, and forgetting my faith.

I spent almost the entire year fighting with God and questioning my relationship with him. Asking him “why me?” and to take me home because the weight of my world was becoming too much. I really lost myself this year and I lost sight of what is truly important.

I’ve lived my whole life believing that God wouldn't give me more than I could handle. This year as one negative thing piled on top of the last I broke and I stopped trusting God.

That is where things really started to get worse. Instead of trusting God and talking to him about what I was thinking and dealing with, I ignored him and all the signs he was giving me that things would be alright.

I hate admitting that I gave up on God. It’s sad and embarrassing but it’s the truth.

One night after hours of crying over the last 14 months of my life and the things that were in it that were going wrong and begging God to end my life, I picked up my bible. I don’t even know why I did it. I was crying intensely and just reached for it. I opened it and turned to a contents page which directed you to readings about whatever you were going through. I looked through the page until I came across list about contemplating suicide and it lead me to this:

1 Corinthians 6:19,20

19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.

I stopped crying. I started to breathe slower and I calmed myself down. That was the moment I let God back into my life. I trusted him again and I believed his word.

Now I have to say that I would never take my own life. But having the thought of doing it and even contemplating it is TERRIFYING!  I never want to feel that way again.

God works in great ways. Ways we couldn’t ever imagine. His timing is always perfect even if we don’t think so. With accepting this I was taught that patience and trust are key to building a relationship with God.

In addition to patience and trust, communicating rather than complaining to him has opened my eyes. In just a few weeks of accepting him back into my life, I have seen changes in my world and my life.

I now see the last 14 months of my life in a whole new light. I’m not angry or feeling sorry for myself anymore. I’ve forgiven the past and any wrong I’ve done or has been done to me and I’m moving on.

God knew this whole time that I would be okay and he knew I would make my way back to him.

I gave up on God but he did not give up on me and I can promise you he hasn’t given up on your either. I’m telling you, you have to trust him. His word and his love will bring you places you never thought you deserved to be. Trust him and you’ll see for yourself.

That bible changed my life and God saved my life. He will save yours too.

Xxoo - Katie

50 more facts about me

First things first. I haven't blogged in a while. This past summer has been tough. I'm not exactly sure how I made it through but I did and I'm thankful.

So because I haven't blogged in a while I've decided to start back up again in a fun way. I get a few emails asking for more facts about me and it's one of my most popular posts so why not do another one. =) 

Let's get started!

1.  I love to dance. I'm just really bad at it.
2. I'm a social person but I love hanging out alone.
3. I love playing Hearthstone.
4. I'm in a long distant relationship!
   
5. I move WAY more than the average person.
6. I'm not quite sure who I'm suppose to be but I have an idea of who I want to be.
7. I love watching Joyce Meyer.
8. I'm learning to speak Spanish. Very slowly.
9. I'd love to move to Australia, The UK or South Africa
10. I watch reruns of Braceface when I get ready for work
11. I have purple hair.
12. My laptop is so broken it probably shouldn't even work.
13. I'd love to travel the world.
14. The first thing I do in a hotel room is smell the shampoo and conditioner.
15. I'm always singing.
16. I dislike being cold.
17. I want a big family.
18. My goal in life is to be happy.
19. Jeans are extremely uncomfortable.
20. Drinking coffee gives me mild anxiety.
21. Dresses are my favourite thing to wear. 
    
22. I have a wallet in my purse but it only has expired cards and receipts in it.
23. I often think about starting a Youtube channel.
24. Music can always cheer me up.
25. I could easily live off Ramen.
26. I could also live off of peppermint and green tea.
27. I am not materialistic. However, I am a sentimentalist.
28. Math eludes me. I just cant do it.
29. I love writing. Too bad I have poor sentence structure and punctuation skills.
30. I've always wanted a walk in closet with a dressing table.
31. My boyfriend is an artist and I genuinely love each piece he creates.
    
32. I love animals. I want them all as pets.
33. I remember almost every dream I have.
34. I'm a huge day dreamer.
35. I'm a procrastinator.
36.  I'm terrified of any noise I hear in the dark.
37. I love hugs.
38. I'm a messy person.
39. I love Christmas pajamas
40. I cry if I'm mad, happy, scared or excited.
41. I like really hot showers.
42. I'd like to move to Costa Rica before I'm 30.
43. I love all the foods that are bad for me and I have no problem getting a second helping of them.
44. I love to cook.
45. I didn't apply for my current job. I walked in and proved I could do it and I was hired.
46. I love when my hair is curled.
47. Two years ago I prayed for someone and I met him a few months later.
    
48. I love stories based on true events.
49. I'm a big fan of Animal Crossing.
50. I can't handle looking at bones and blood. They make me want to pass out.

Okay. there's 50. That was harder to do the second time around. Had to make sure I didn't repeat any from the first post! Hope you all enjoyed reading a few random things, if you have some of the same facts about yourself let me know down below!

                                      xxoo - Katie

Summer Sun Protection

Well it's that time of year again! Who's excited? 

With all the fun activities that come with the sunshine and warm weather it's really important to protect our skin from the sun. I re-watched a video I seen last year about UV rays and skin and after watching it again I knew I wanted to make a post about the importance of sunscreen. Here's the video in case you wanted to check it out. It's about 3 minutes and trust me, it's pretty cool!

Did you watch it? What did you think? Crazy, hey?! 

So for those of you who don't know, there's a difference between sunblock and sunscreen 

 Sunblocks, such as zinc oxide and titanium dioxide, are highly effective in protecting against both UVA and UVB rays, the types of UV radiation that cause sunburn and skin cancer. Sunblocks often appear white on the skin. Sunscreens tend to be less visible on the skin and absorbs UV rays and does not reflect them 

Here's an article all about it if you're interested! 

 http://www.news-medical.net/news/2007/08/07/28543.aspx

Sun screen is my ride or die. I wear it even in the winter. After years of trying different ones I found a few of my favourites and I'll share those with you later on in this post.

I'm going to cover just a few reasons why you should be wearing sun screen and it's importance so let's get right into it.

1. Sunscreen has proven to slow down the process of wrinkles and premature ageing skin.

2. Sunscreen has also been proven to decrease the growth of skin cancer.

3. Prevents sunburns and tanning -  I'm sure we all knew that. 

4. Helps even out your skin tone

5. Great for hydrating the skin.

I have three sunblocks that I use almost every day. I have one for my face and two others for my body.

So for my face I'll use Neutrogena Clear face SPF 30 

I don't know about you but I get a bit of anxiety putting new products on my face. I have pretty clear skin and would really like to keep it that way. I tried this sunblock while I was home alone one weekend and no breakouts or texture came to my face. I even put make up on over top and went outside. I had no signs of burning and it didn't make my make-up move which is just an added bonus!  I purchased this for $14 at Shoppers Drug Mart

 The next product I use is Sunbum SPF 50

First off, Yum! This smells so good to me! This product is a sunscreen and I use it all over my body if I'm going out. I've used this for years and I have no complaints expect one, I can only ever find travel sizes so I'm constantly repurchasing this at least 3 times every summer. Part of me doesn't mind because it works so well. I paid a little over $10 for mine. Give this little beauty a try. I'm sure you'l love it.

Last but of course not least we have Coola- sport SPF 30
This product is suppose to be organic but I don't care about that, yeah yeah shoot me. moving on.. This one is my go to mostly because it smells so fantastic but a little bit goes a long way which I love. I do find myself having to re-apply every other hour which isn't so bad since I do the same with my other block, I just find it wears off faster than the others but it's still my favourite! I paid $36 for this at Ulta online. Coola also has amazing lip balms and other great sun protection products. If you can, go smell a few haha you won't be disappointed. 

Alright that's it. Those are my must have sunblocks and screens. Don't forget to further protect your skin by wearing hats and keeping hydrated. Stay healthy this summer, everyone!

                                                                       Xxoo - Katie 

New year, New blog.

New year new me? How about New year new blog?!

Welcome to my new and updated blog. Things got a bit different here. New colours and set up. Even a new name! 

I decided to make this change to make my blog a little more personal.  Don't worry, I'll still be posting the same content. I just wanted my page to have a new look that everyone could enjoy. Knowing me, I'll change a few things here and there to keep up with the seasons but the name will always be the same. 

Using my name makes it easier not just for me but for readers as well. Everything is all under one name which makes searching for things that much easier.

Anyway I really hope you all like the new look! P.S (TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!)

Happy new year, Everyone!

                                                                Katie - Xxoo